Just Waiting

Since our prenatal appointment, it feels like I’m just waiting.  Waiting for something…to feel more pregnant, to get more symptoms, to look like I’m expecting, to go to my next ultrasound.  The period of time between seeing the baby for the first time and seeing the baby for the second time seems interminable.  Our next ultrasound is not until our NT scan at 12.5 weeks, which is 6 weeks since we saw the baby the first time.  Because we had our first ultrasound so early, I was able to put my initial fears to rest regarding actually being pregnant.  Now that one worry is over, I’m concerned about whether the baby is developing properly and if everything is okay.  I’m pretty sure that’s what being a mother is all about, though:  worrying about your child from the moment of conception until the day you die.   

First Prenatal Appointment

Back in December, I had made my annual gynecology appointment for February, since it would have been a year since my last one.  When we got our surprise BFP in January, my Ob/Gyn just converted my annual appointment into an obstetrics appointment.  So, I was able to get my first ultrasound at the end of January when I was 6 weeks, 4 days, and then have my first OB prenatal appointment the very next week at 7 weeks, 5 days. 

After the joy of the ultrasound and getting to both see our tiny baby and hear its heartbeat, the prenatal appointment was a little anticlimactic.  I had already had my blood work completed after my ultrasound, so we went over my results.  I had a routine pap and pelvic done, a urinalysis, and a breast exam.  Other than that, the majority of the appointment was just getting to know the procedures and policies of the clinic, discussing options and available testing, and asking questions. 

I opted for the NT Scan and the Quad Marker screen when applicable, but against the CVS, Amniocentesis, and Cystic Fibrosis testing.  So, since I was almost at 8 weeks, I have my NT scan scheduled at the same time as my next OB appointment, which is at 12.5 weeks.  I also wanted to evaluate whether or not to use the clinic’s midwife services, so I will be meeting with a midwife rather than the OB after my NT scan. 

All in all, the appointment went well.  Even though I didn’t get to see or hear the baby, my doctor said that everything seems normal.  Still hoping and praying for this to be our sticky baby!     

Should I Fire My Physician?

I’m not talking about my Ob/Gyn, because I seriously love her.  But, I’m beginning to think that my primary physician isn’t really a good fit for me.  I never developed a close relationship with him, because I was never sick and hardly ever went to the doctor.  Although, the few times I’ve seen him, he’s been nice and professional.

The main problem is that my husband and I have been dealing with numerous specialists over the last few years, and I’ve gotten a better feel for the type of care that I want.  I’ve come to realize that there are some doctors that I respect and feel comfortable with, and there are some that I don’t.  Armed with this newly developed sense of patient advocacy, I’m starting to doubt my choice in physicians. 

My primary physician is a more reactive doctor.  He’s smart and knowledgeable, but he reacts only to a known or suspected problem.  He can also seem too technical, and sometimes I wonder if he bypasses some of my concerns as “internet research.”  My Ob/Gyn, on the other hand, is a very proactive doctor.  She takes the time to listen to my questions, always returns my calls herself, and makes me feel in control of my health.  In fact, she’s the one who discovered my Hashimoto’s disease.  As an Ob/Gyn though, she does not treat that condition, so my primary doctor took over.

It’s his care and treatment of my hypothyroidism that is making me scrutinize him more closely now.  He was relatively casual about my thyroid results from the Ob/Gyn; he just prescribed Levothyroxine and told me to get my TSH checked again in a month.  My thyroid responded, and my TSH levels were pretty close to normal when they were rechecked.  It was about a month later that I got my BFP. 

So, I was a little concerned that my levels weren’t regulated for that long, and that they had only been monitored once before I got pregnant.  But, when I called to get my TSH checked again in light of being pregnant (when I was 5 weeks), he said not to worry about it until I was 8 weeks along.  Knowing that hypothyroidism can cause miscarriage if not treated properly, should I really have been expected to wait 3 more weeks to find out if my TSH levels were okay?        

We Saw It!

We had our first ultrasound this week, at 6 weeks and 3 days.  I’m so lucky to have an amazing doctor who allowed us to have one done so early.  The ultrasound technician warned that it might be too early to really see anything on an external scan, but she found our little baby right away!  The baby and I are measuring right on track, and our little one had a heartbeat of 123, which is just perfect for 6-7 weeks.  My husband and I were in such awe that we both had tears in our eyes when we were able to hear it for the first time. 

Seeing the proof that there was actually a tiny baby in me, and that it has a heartbeat, did a lot to ease my fears.  I can only hope that everything continues to progress as wonderfully as it has so far.  We are just so overwhelmed with love and truly thankful for this amazing blessing. 

A Lack of Symptoms

So, I’m beginning to get concerned about my lack of pregnancy symptoms.  I realize that every pregnancy and person is different, but it’s hard not to worry when it feels like I’m not the same as everyone else. 

The week of my BFP, I had a pretty obvious symptom of extreme fatigue.  However, now it seems like I’m not any more tired than I was before I found out I was pregnant.  Yes, I’m exhausted most of the time, but I’ve suffered from insomnia and sleep disorders for years.  I keep thinking that maybe my fatigue is not baby-related at all, but is just an indicator of my sleep habits. 

The same type of irrational argument goes through my head with having to use the bathroom all the time, too.  Following my BFP, I did notice that I had to urinate more often, which is a definite sign of pregnancy.  But, as soon as I got a positive HPT, I doubled (or more) my water intake, and stopped drinking most other beverages.  So, now it’s easy to persuade myself that my sometimes frequent urination is the effect of drinking so much water, and not from being pregnant. 

The only “real” symptom that I’ve been having is some painful twinges in my abdomen.  Sometimes I can barely feel them, while other times they hurt; and sometimes they’re very brief, while other times they last for more than a few minutes.  I have to keep reminding myself that this is probably a good sign of my uterus stretching and the baby growing, and not think about the possibility of cramping and miscarriage. 

I know I sound crazy, and I probably am.  But, I get concerned that I haven’t had any morning sickness or food aversions.  In the absence of these more traditional early pregnancy signs, it’s still a little hard to convince myself that I’m really pregnant. 

Bloat

Yeah, so I’m looking pretty thick these days.  I am ridiculously bloated.  Or at least I better be, because there’s no way my “sweet pea” sized baby is making me show this much.

I like to think that I used to look okay in my clothes, but now it seems as if all of my clothes make me look fat.  Ugh, and in addition to looking bad, it doesn’t feel good to be this bloated either.  It’ll be nice when this particular phase subsides, and it’ll be even better when a real baby bump takes its place. 

IUI Day

According to FF and my past ovulation charts, yesterday or today would have been my IUI.  I would have already taken the Clomid, would have gotten an ovary ultrasound, and would be in the Ob/Gyn’s office waiting to be inseminated, while my husband made love to a cup in the lab.  With all of our issues, it’s hard to believe that we never had to resort to that.  After all of the time and effort spent trying and failing to get pregnant, and in spite of our IF struggles and medical problems, we were able to do it on our own.  I’m so very grateful to have been given this blessing that we achieved naturally.