The End is the Only the Beginning

I started this blog as both an emotional outlet and a chronicle of our TTC journey.  Between my husband’s documented infertility history and my own relatively recently discovered infertility issues, we never imagined that we’d be at the end of that journey so soon.  As I look at our beautiful baby girl, I can’t believe how far we’ve come.  She’s our miracle, one that was given to us when we least expected it.

I don’t necessarily intend on leaving the blogging world completely, but I feel that this chapter of my life is closing.  I can now focus on being a parent and raising our daughter.  I truly hope that we are blessed again with another child in the future, but for right now, I have all that I ever wanted.  I plan to update my blog with big milestones and/or accomplishments, but it will be nothing consistent or constant.  Until then…

Much love,

Fouette

My Birth Story

It turns out my baby girl was in a hurry to get here!  Though she was due on September 17, I went into labor at 38 weeks and 5 days. 

At my 36 week doctor’s appointment, I had my Group B Strep (GBS) test done (which was negative), so I opted to have my first internal exam.  That was extremely uncomfortable, but I was told that my cervix was dilated to 2 cm and was 50% effaced.  I didn’t get checked at 37 weeks, and at 38 weeks I was a tight 3 cm and 75% effaced.  I went to my 39 week appointment (a few days early) on the morning I went into labor, but decided against having a cervical check.  Everything looked good for both me and baby, so I went into work on Thursday, September 8.  Around lunchtime, I noticed that I was having more discharge than usual.  I had been losing my mucous plug since 36 weeks, and had what I thought was bloody show right at 38 weeks.  So, discharge was nothing new, but this seemed more liquid-like. 

At 2 pm, I went to a department meeting, and when I got up to leave at 3 pm, I felt a small gush of fluid.  I didn’t make a big deal out of it, so no one noticed, though my pants were wet.  I knew that my water had broken (and that it had been amniotic fluid that I was leaking earlier), so I went back to my office, got my things, and headed home.  I called my OB’s office and my husband on the way home to let them know what had happened.  I told my husband to finish packing the hospital bag and get the dog ready to go to my mom’s house.  The OB nurse called me back and said that even though I was GBS negative, they wanted me to check into Labor and Delivery right away since my water had broken.  Though I was sure it was my water, I never experienced that big gush of fluid that everyone describes, so the nurse told me I could come into the OB’s office to be evaluated first, before I went to the hospital (the OB and the hospital are in adjoining buildings).

I came home, we grabbed the hospital bag and car seat, and left to drop our dog off at my mom’s since I knew this wasn’t a false alarm.  We got to the OB’s office, and by the time the midwife came in to examine me, I had leaked all over the table.  She took one look at me and said, “Yep, your water broke.  Go to Labor and Delivery to have a baby!”  As soon as I stood up from the table, I had my first large gush of fluid.   There was no mistaking that one.  So, we walked over to the hospital, headed up to the maternity floor, and got checked in.  I still hadn’t felt a single contraction yet, and it was about 5 pm by this time. 

After I was put in a labor room, I was given a saline lock, a Non-Stress Test (NST) for the baby, and an internal exam.  I was 3 cm and 90% effaced.  It was about 7 pm at this time, things looked good, and I was contracting, but I didn’t feel them, so I knew they weren’t causing any progress.  I was so happy that my water had broken naturally and that my body went into labor on its own, but I knew that there was a time limit on getting the baby out since the risk of infection increases after your water breaks.  I started walking the halls, hoping to start active labor and prevent any augmentation, like Pitocin.  Since I wasn’t in pain yet, I don’t really consider those first couple hours actual labor. 

Right before midnight, I felt my first real contraction.  There was no warm up and no warning.  One second I was fine and not feeling contractions, and the next I was doubled over in pain.  It didn’t feel good, but at least I was finally in labor…and didn’t need any help to get there!  After that, things moved quickly.  The contractions were so intense and painful…I went from 3 cm to 6 cm in 45 minutes, and so I asked for the epidural.  After it was placed, I couldn’t feel anything in my abdomen, but I still felt pressure and some pain in my pelvis during contractions.  I also had what they call the “baby shakes.”  Apparently a lot of people start shaking when they actually deliver, but I started shaking earlier than most.  I knew when a contraction was coming because I’d start shaking uncontrollably.

From 1 am to 4 am, I went from 6 cm to 9.5 cm, but the doctor was concerned that the epidural was having an effect on the baby.  I was put on oxygen, and they turned the medication down by half.  The doctor came back in and said “you’re 10 cm and 100%, it’s time to push.”  Then, she had the epidural turned off so I could feel the urge to bear down.  Since it had already been turned down previously, it didn’t take long before it felt like I was feeling everything.  The baby shakes and extreme pain/pressure in my pelvis told me when to push, and as I felt the baby’s head moving down, I asked if they would turn the epidural back on at the lowest setting.  I pushed for not quite an hour, and our beautiful baby girl was born at 5:02 am on September 9, 2011.  I had two first degree tears, and a few stitches were necessary; so, I’m glad that I had the epidural turned back on at the end for them to sew me up. 

Brinley Ryann (Bryn) was 7 pounds, 5 ounces and 20.5 inches long.  Her Apgar scores were 9 and 9, and she’s perfect.  She shares a birthday with her grandma, and my mom constantly says how she’s the best birthday present ever :).  All in all, I had a pretty good delivery experience.  For a first time mom, having my water break naturally, laboring for 4 hours, and pushing for 1 hour was better than I ever expected. 

Nursery Update

Now that the baby shower is over, I could finally focus on finishing the nursery.  We had bought or received almost everything for the room, but there were a few things that I was waiting on, just in case.  After the shower, I made a few trips to Target and Hobby Lobby to pick up some decorative items, but I can now finally say that baby girl’s nursery is done!

We opted for a lavender and white as the colors, and stuck with those as the unifying element, rather than a theme.  We had also planned to have her name incorporated in the room, probably above the changing table, rather than the picture frames.  The frames would have been closer to the mobile, instead.  But, since we don’t have a name definitely chosen, we’ll have to add that element in later.  

So for your viewing pleasure:  

Baby Shower Time

My baby shower has come and gone, and it went wonderfully!  My best friend hosted it for me, and she did a great job.  Even though we have different personalities and styles, everything came together for a great party.  It was held in a church coffee shop, so hardly any decorating was needed.  There were already mosaic tables and wrought iron chairs, and the environment was very relaxed and encouraged conversation. 

Food-wise, it was all about what baby and I wanted…which was awesome.  Since it was held in the afternoon, between lunch and dinner, we opted for more appetizer and snack type foods.  There was homemade chicken salad with sesame crackers, cheese cubes and grapes, baby dill pickles, cucumber sandwiches, spinach and artichoke cream puffs, and watermelon.   

In terms of gifts, the husband and I had already purchased the really big stuff, like the crib, dresser, and glider.  And, my mother-in-law (MIL) ordered the car seat, stroller, and swing for us, while my mom got us the breast pump and way too many adorable baby clothes.  So, the shower was really about those smaller and last minute items that we needed.  I was shocked that every single person who attended brought an actual gift; I didn’t receive a single gift card.  I was touched that everyone took the time and effort to do that. 

However, even though we registered at both Target and Babies R Us (BRU), we don’t have a BRU in town.  The closest one is located about 30 minutes away.  So, while we were pretty set for the Target registry, we still had a bunch of missing items from the BRU registry.  Looks like we’re going to have to make a shopping trip soon! 

Baby Classes

Since this is our first baby, we decided to sign up for prenatal classes.  I obviously have never given birth before, and my husband has never been around babies, so we both had a lot to learn.  We’re very lucky that these classes are offered for free through our hospital.  We opted for the 5 week class, with each session lasting about 1.5 hours.  While there was some common sense information that probably wasn’t necessary, I’m really glad that we went.  I’m a firm believer that knowledge is power and that you can never be over prepared.  And, like I said, my husband needed all the information he could get on taking care of a baby!

The classes were broken down into 1) Pregnancy, 2) Labor and Relaxation Techniques, 3) Pain Management, Medication, and C-Section, 4) Newborn Testing and Care, and 5) Post-Partum.  All of the sections were very helpful and contained at least some useful information for both me and my husband.  My favorite part was teaching him how to diaper and swaddle a baby doll…it’s an image that I won’t forget :).  At the end, we even received a certificate that said we completed the course.  Whether we think so or not, at least someone says that we’re ready to have a baby!

5 Years!

The husband and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary this June.  It seems like such an important milestone, and I’m so happy that this is the year we were finally able to start our family.  My husband has been amazing throughout our marriage, and has taken his vows of “for sickness and health,” “for richer for poorer,” and “in good times and bad” seriously.  Along with my pregnancy and every other wonderful memory preceding it, we’ve also dealt with hardship, from medical issues to debt to IF.  I feel so fortunate to have a partner who is so loving and supportive, and who I can count on to stay by my side. 

Graduation!

In May 2011, I finally completed my Master of Public Administration.  It was a long road that required a lot of commitment and dedication.  It took 3 hard years for me to get, even with having some accelerated courses, due to work and other life events.  But, I’m proud to say that it’s done! 

Finding out I was pregnant in my last semester was both exciting and challenging.  I can honestly say that so far, working full time, going to school full time, and being pregnant was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.  The concentration and focus that are necessary in a graduate program were hard to come by, and the exhaustion was sometimes hard to cope with in the middle of it all. 

Despite finishing my program in May, my graduation ceremony wasn’t until June, since my university holds one large ceremony for the graduates of the winter, spring, and summer semesters combined.  But on June 18, I was able to walk across the stage and receive my diploma at 6.5 months pregnant.  It made me so happy to be able to share something so special to me with my baby.     

Registry Madness

Now that we have our gender confirmation, my husband and I finally completed our registry.  I had already begun listing the more expensive, gender neutral items online, but we actually went into the store with the scanner gun and registered for everything else.  Let me be the first to tell you:  that was an exercise in patience.  Even with all of the big ticket items (car seat, stroller, co-sleeper, glider, breast pump) already registered for online, it took a long time and a lot of thought to complete.  Registering for a baby is so different than a wedding registry.  No one worries about safety reviews and personal recommendations when it comes to picking out china patterns and bed sheets.  With a baby registry, I felt like every single thing had to be the best, in addition to being within our budget and style preferences. 

Luckily, I went armed with the Baby Bargains book, which was a huge help.  I also brought a snack and water on the advice of others, which I’m glad I did, since we went to both Babies R Us and Target (which were fortunately right next door to each other) because we’re registered at both places.  Thankfully, we are finally done with this baby planning aspect, and can move forward with decorating the nursery!     

Ultrasound Follow Up

Wow, time has totally gotten away from me.  I had meant to write this post as soon as it happened, but somehow it’s a month behind. 

Anyway, due to our baby girl’s position at our anatomy scan, we were scheduled for a follow up ultrasound to measure her heart.  Baby was finally right side up for once, although still transverse.  The ultrasound tech was able to point out the four chambers of the heart, and how everything looked good. 

The next day, however, my OB’s office called and said that although everything was normal, the tech didn’t get good enough pictures of the left and right ventricular outflow tracts (L/RVOT).  So, I was scheduled for yet another ultrasound at my next routine visit. 

After all of that drama, baby is perfectly healthy with a beautiful heart.  And, after 3 successive ultrasounds that all confirmed the same thing, I’m pretty confident in the fact that she is definitely a little girl! 

Road Trip

Two days after our anatomy scan, my husband and I went on a little road trip for an impromptu family reunion.  We had scheduled the big ultrasound for right before this mini-vacation, so that we could tell all of my family in person whether the baby was a girl or a boy.  There were also a few people who hadn’t been told about the pregnancy yet, because I wanted to take this rare opportunity to tell them in person.  So, we got in the car (along with the dog) for an 8 hour road trip to meet up with some of my family in Kansas.  We had a great time, and I loved seeing so many members of my family in one place.  We also took tons of pictures, and everyone was absolutely thrilled about our baby news! 

However, between a pregnant person and a dog, the trip took much longer than it should have due to all of the pit stops.  Also, even though I was only 21 weeks pregnant, it was already pretty uncomfortable to be in a car for that long.  My leg kept going to sleep, no position was comfortable, I had to pee all the time, and it seemed like stopping so often caused us to make hardly any progress.  Plus, I’d get hungry and wasn’t in the mood for “road food” like chips or snacks, which caused even more unscheduled stops.

But it was definitely worth it.  Next month though, we’re going on vacation to the east coast for my graduation ceremony, and will be flying.  I have a feeling that flying at 27 weeks won’t be any easier than driving at 22 weeks.         

It’s a…

GIRL!  My husband and I were totally shocked when the ultrasound tech said girl.  We didn’t have a preference either way, but both of us were leaning toward the baby being a boy.  We were even further convinced when the tech at our NT scan (12.5 weeks) said that she would guess boy with about 75% accuracy.  We knew that it was a little early to determine gender with any certainty, but both of us just kind of assumed that it would be a boy. 

At this ultrasound (20.5 weeks), we had the same ultrasound tech as our NT scan.  She asked us what she had guessed then, and when we said boy, she told us, “well, I hope you didn’t buy anything blue, because it’s a little girl!”  Both the tech and the doctor said that everything looked good and was right on track for about 21 weeks.  They did mention that our baby girl already has really long legs, which I know she gets from me, although both my husband and I are pretty tall. 

We’re so thrilled that our baby is doing well and is healthy, and we’re beyond excited that we’re having a baby girl.  I’m still a little skeptical about the gender, but I’m not sure why.  I just feel like I need just a bit more confirmation or something.  However, the tech wasn’t able to get all of the heart measurements of the baby, because she was turned upside down almost the whole time (imagine that, our baby is uncooperative).  So, we have a follow up ultrasound to get the final measurements to complete the anatomy scan, and I’ll definitely be asking for them to confirm the gender for me.  If they say girl again, I’ll probably be convinced, lol.  If they say boy, I swear I’m not buying anything that’s not gender neutral!   

Half Baked

I can’t believe I made it to 20 weeks!  It’s crazy to think that I’m halfway through this pregnancy already.  In honor of this milestone, my body decided to celebrate by finally letting my stomach “pop.”  I’m actually looking more pregnant than chubby now, and I am loving the look of a real baby bump. 

My husband and I have also made all of the necessary notifications (there were some major delays), and have done all of the prenatal testing, so the world can now know are expecting!  I’ve been waiting for this day for so long, but at last, I can tell any and every one that I’m pregnant!

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And, for those that asked, here's my 20 week bump pic:

  

First Big Baby Purchase

Since everything went well at our 16 week appointment, the husband and I decided to take a trip to Babies R Us in a neighboring town to look at nursery furniture.  We looked around at the different options for baby items, and discussed what we liked and didn’t like.  Really though (at least in my mind), we were there to pick out a crib.  I had some very definitive ideas in my head about what I wanted in terms of manufacturer, style, safety, and color.  My husband usually defers to my judgment when it comes to the baby stuff, but he surprised me when he had an opinion on the wood color of the furniture.  I wanted espresso-colored furniture, and he wanted cherry. 

We eventually narrowed our choices to a crib and dresser set that was available in chestnut, dark cherry, and white and another set that came in oak, espresso, and black.  Since the color selection was limited in each of the furniture sets, we ultimately chose the set made of the stronger mahogany wood, rather than the one made of pine.  We ended up with Munire’s Baby Cache Heritage crib and dresser/changer combo in dark cherry.  So, I’d say it was a pretty good compromise for the two of us on our first big baby purchase.

Now that we have furniture and are starting to plan the nursery, everything is starting to feel much more real.  I’m so excited to finally stop worrying and to start buying stuff for our baby!    

NIAW

Even though I’m currently pregnant, I feel the need to post about something that is still near and dear to my heart:  infertility.  Infertility (IF) affects 1 in 8 men and women, and it doesn’t go away after becoming pregnant.  It’s a lifelong struggle and is usually one that couples deal with silently. 

April 24 through 30 is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), and despite my small following, I wanted to bring awareness to the cause on my blog.  To learn more about NIAW, IF, or how you can support those with IF, please visit http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html.

16 Week Appointment

We had our 16 week appointment with my OB, and it went great!  Before every appointment, I get excited, and then nervous.  But this one was very low key and simple.  It was just a urine test, a quick question and answer session, and then listen to the baby’s heartbeat on the fetal doppler.  The doctor was able to find the baby’s heartbeat pretty quickly, and it was beating away at 158 bpm.  This confirms that either, 1) my home fetal doppler sucks since it takes me forever to find the baby’s heartbeat, and I rarely hear it for more than a few seconds or 2) I suck at finding the baby.  But, I’m glad that everything is going well and baby seems to be healthy. 

I also opted to do the alpha fetoprotein (AFP) and cystic fibrosis (CF) blood work, just to be informed.  So, I had a blood draw in the lab afterward.  And finally, I have my fetal survey and anatomy scan ultrasound scheduled for May 6!  My doctor’s office likes to do the big ultrasound between 21 and 22 weeks, but my next appointment would be at 20 weeks.  Plus, we’ll be out of town during 21 weeks.  So, I convinced them to schedule both my next appointment and the ultrasound at 20.5 weeks and get them done at the same time.  I’m excited that I get to have my ultrasound a little earlier than planned, although I’m sad, and a little nervous, about not having another appointment for 5 weeks.  Hopefully I’ll start to feel the baby move soon to put my mind at rest for the next couple weeks!

It Didn’t Last Long

Staying med free didn’t last long.  Along with the second trimester came horrific headaches.  I thought this was supposed to be the “best” trimester, but my head thought otherwise.  So, after my third migraine in a week, I finally caved and took a Tylenol.  So far, second tri isn’t looking so hot.   

Med Free…So Far

I’m feeling pretty proud of myself:  I made it through the first trimester without taking any over-the-counter (OTC) medications!  Obviously, I take my prescription prenatal vitamins with DHA and my Levothyroxine everyday.  Those are very important to help both me and the baby.  But, I’m glad to be able to say that I was otherwise “med free” for the first trimester of my pregnancy.  If the rest of my pregnancy goes as smoothly as it has been, then maybe I’ll be able to maintain it (but I won’t hold my breath).

In Thyroid News

Sorry for the delay; I've gotten a bit behind in my blogging what with work, school, and baby-making.   

After my NT scan, I went to the lab to do the blood work portion of the early trimester screen.  The doctor also ordered another TSH draw since I asked (it had been 6 weeks since my last one).  The NT scan blood work should take about a week or two to get back, and I’m pretty sure they won’t even talk about it until my next appointment (4 weeks later) anyway. 

However, I did get a call from the nurse today about my TSH.  The baby is causing my thyroid to work too hard (despite my medication) and my numbers have doubled since my last check.  In fact, they’re getting close to where they were prior to starting medication.  So, I’ll now be taking 100 mcg of Levothyroxine, and I have to have my TSH drawn again soon to make sure it’s working. 

Not exactly the news I was hoping for, but definitely not the end of the world.  It also explains why my fatigue in the last few weeks has been much worse than it used to be.  Looking forward to the supposed greatness of second tri!          

Sigh of Relief

We had our NT scan the other day, at 12 weeks and 2 days.  I was so nervous going into the appointment, but was trying to remain calm and optimistic.  As soon as the ultrasound tech showed my baby moving on the screen, I gave a huge sigh of relief.  Baby’s heart rate was 173 beautiful beats per minute.  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted after this appointment. 

In addition to everything looking okay, the NT measurements came out great, as well.  The NT thickness turned out to be really close to 1, like 1.13.  So, both the tech and the doctor said that was wonderful and definitely nothing to worry about in terms of Downs Syndrome. 

Getting to see my baby moving around on screen and being generally uncooperative for the tech was one of the best days of my life.  I’m just so incredibly thankful that the baby seems happy and healthy so far.  Plus, we got 4 pictures to take home with us.  I also found out that I have an anterior placenta, and that it’s sitting in the top-front of my uterus.  And, that baby really enjoys hiding under it, which is why I’ve had so much trouble finding the heart beat with my fetal doppler.  This also means that I may have to wait a few weeks longer than other women in order to feel the baby move. 

There was also a blood work component to the NT scan, but I won’t find out those results until the next appointment.  Since all is well, my pregnancy is no longer a secret.  While I haven’t told my job or made a Facebook announcement yet, my husband and I are now starting to share the news with the rest of our friends and family (who haven’t already been told).  The rest of the world won’t be far behind!

Fetal Doppler

So I forgot to mention that I ordered a fetal doppler.  I never thought that I would, but after having so much anxiety over this pregnancy, and knowing so many wonderful people that have had miscarriages, I just really wanted the extra assurance.  I received it in the mail when I was 10 weeks, and I immediately tried it out.  At first, all I could get was my heart rate, but I did hear fluid moving.  Finally, I had a few blips on the screen between 160 and 180 bpm. 

I tried again at 11 weeks, and both times I tried, I wasn’t able to pick up a heart beat.  This is the downside of owning a home doppler:  (hopefully) unnecessary panic.  I knew that it was still early, and just because I thought I had heard the baby’s heart rate before, doesn’t mean that I could hear it this time.  So, I had to just believe that everything was still okay.

Finally, at 12 weeks, I tried again.  Like the first time, I had trouble finding it, but I eventually saw the flashes in the 170s and knew that there was still a baby in there.  I’ve never been able to hear the heart beat for more than 2 or 3 beats, but I trust that it’s okay.  I honestly think that the baby doesn’t like the sound waves and that he/she moves away from it.  Either way, I’m so glad to have the NT scan to calm my nerves very soon! 

Something Worth Mentioning

Finally, I have something worth mentioning!  I have my NT scan and second OB appointment next week.  I can’t wait!  Six weeks (since our last u/s) is a long time to go without knowing if the baby is okay, and four weeks (since my last OB visit) is a long time to wait without talking to a doctor.  I am so excited to get to see our baby again. 

We’re hoping and praying for a great appointment with good test results.  If everything looks normal, we’ll be formally announcing our pregnancy very soon!

Mentally Exhausted

I was expecting, and ready for, the physical exhaustion that comes along with pregnancy.  I’ve had sleep issues for awhile now, and I regularly function on very little sleep.  I have also learned to take advantage of my daily routine and circadian rhythm in order to schedule the best times to relax when I need to rest.  The demands of growing a baby human have definitely taken their toll on my body, but I like to think that I’ve coped pretty well.  However, I was not prepared for the mental exhaustion.

Right now, I’m working full time, in addition to going to school.  I work a regular 8 to 5, Monday through Friday job, that is actually relatively easy and undemanding.  But then, I’m also taking 2 courses for my Masters degree.  Luckily, these are my last 2 classes before I graduate in June, but the stress of working, going to school, getting ready for graduation, and being pregnant is starting to wear on me.  I literally have no motivation to do anything, let alone anything productive or worthy of grad school submission. 

I’m really hoping that the second trimester is as great as everyone keeps saying, because I’m going to need all the help I can get to finish my degree at this rate.      

To Tell or Not To Tell

That is the question.  I always knew that my husband and I would have different approaches to certain aspects of childrearing, but I never guessed it would start this early.  For obvious reasons, I wanted to keep my pregnancy a secret at first, and just between me and him.  However, I was easily persuaded into telling each of our best friends.  But, I was adamant about telling no one else until after my prenatal appointment, and only then telling our parents.  The rest of the world, starting with family, could be told after the first trimester was over. 

But then, we had an early ultrasound, and my husband was convinced that it was then okay to tell his parents.  I still wasn’t ready to tell, but I didn’t want his parents to know and not mine.  So, the count was up to 6 people who knew.  And, my husband’s mother was with his grandma when she found out, so now his grandma knows, too.  Then came a few too many awkward conversations about not drinking, not eating sushi, and not going to a smoke-filled bar with one of our couple friends, so my husband decided that they should know.  Finally, I confided in my other two close friends, since so many other relatively less important people had found out.  It’s seriously snowballing out of control, and I thought this would be one of the few things I could control.  I think that we’re probably up to about 15 people that know about the baby now.

I completely understand that my husband is absolutely ecstatic over the news and that he wants to shout it from the rooftop.  And I sincerely hope that there’s never a reason to take that away from him.  But, I’m just trying to be more cautious and more practical out of a personal need for self-preservation.  The second trimester cannot come soon enough…I’m ready to fully embrace this pregnancy and let everyone know about our miracle!

Just Waiting

Since our prenatal appointment, it feels like I’m just waiting.  Waiting for something…to feel more pregnant, to get more symptoms, to look like I’m expecting, to go to my next ultrasound.  The period of time between seeing the baby for the first time and seeing the baby for the second time seems interminable.  Our next ultrasound is not until our NT scan at 12.5 weeks, which is 6 weeks since we saw the baby the first time.  Because we had our first ultrasound so early, I was able to put my initial fears to rest regarding actually being pregnant.  Now that one worry is over, I’m concerned about whether the baby is developing properly and if everything is okay.  I’m pretty sure that’s what being a mother is all about, though:  worrying about your child from the moment of conception until the day you die.   

First Prenatal Appointment

Back in December, I had made my annual gynecology appointment for February, since it would have been a year since my last one.  When we got our surprise BFP in January, my Ob/Gyn just converted my annual appointment into an obstetrics appointment.  So, I was able to get my first ultrasound at the end of January when I was 6 weeks, 4 days, and then have my first OB prenatal appointment the very next week at 7 weeks, 5 days. 

After the joy of the ultrasound and getting to both see our tiny baby and hear its heartbeat, the prenatal appointment was a little anticlimactic.  I had already had my blood work completed after my ultrasound, so we went over my results.  I had a routine pap and pelvic done, a urinalysis, and a breast exam.  Other than that, the majority of the appointment was just getting to know the procedures and policies of the clinic, discussing options and available testing, and asking questions. 

I opted for the NT Scan and the Quad Marker screen when applicable, but against the CVS, Amniocentesis, and Cystic Fibrosis testing.  So, since I was almost at 8 weeks, I have my NT scan scheduled at the same time as my next OB appointment, which is at 12.5 weeks.  I also wanted to evaluate whether or not to use the clinic’s midwife services, so I will be meeting with a midwife rather than the OB after my NT scan. 

All in all, the appointment went well.  Even though I didn’t get to see or hear the baby, my doctor said that everything seems normal.  Still hoping and praying for this to be our sticky baby!     

Should I Fire My Physician?

I’m not talking about my Ob/Gyn, because I seriously love her.  But, I’m beginning to think that my primary physician isn’t really a good fit for me.  I never developed a close relationship with him, because I was never sick and hardly ever went to the doctor.  Although, the few times I’ve seen him, he’s been nice and professional.

The main problem is that my husband and I have been dealing with numerous specialists over the last few years, and I’ve gotten a better feel for the type of care that I want.  I’ve come to realize that there are some doctors that I respect and feel comfortable with, and there are some that I don’t.  Armed with this newly developed sense of patient advocacy, I’m starting to doubt my choice in physicians. 

My primary physician is a more reactive doctor.  He’s smart and knowledgeable, but he reacts only to a known or suspected problem.  He can also seem too technical, and sometimes I wonder if he bypasses some of my concerns as “internet research.”  My Ob/Gyn, on the other hand, is a very proactive doctor.  She takes the time to listen to my questions, always returns my calls herself, and makes me feel in control of my health.  In fact, she’s the one who discovered my Hashimoto’s disease.  As an Ob/Gyn though, she does not treat that condition, so my primary doctor took over.

It’s his care and treatment of my hypothyroidism that is making me scrutinize him more closely now.  He was relatively casual about my thyroid results from the Ob/Gyn; he just prescribed Levothyroxine and told me to get my TSH checked again in a month.  My thyroid responded, and my TSH levels were pretty close to normal when they were rechecked.  It was about a month later that I got my BFP. 

So, I was a little concerned that my levels weren’t regulated for that long, and that they had only been monitored once before I got pregnant.  But, when I called to get my TSH checked again in light of being pregnant (when I was 5 weeks), he said not to worry about it until I was 8 weeks along.  Knowing that hypothyroidism can cause miscarriage if not treated properly, should I really have been expected to wait 3 more weeks to find out if my TSH levels were okay?        

We Saw It!

We had our first ultrasound this week, at 6 weeks and 3 days.  I’m so lucky to have an amazing doctor who allowed us to have one done so early.  The ultrasound technician warned that it might be too early to really see anything on an external scan, but she found our little baby right away!  The baby and I are measuring right on track, and our little one had a heartbeat of 123, which is just perfect for 6-7 weeks.  My husband and I were in such awe that we both had tears in our eyes when we were able to hear it for the first time. 

Seeing the proof that there was actually a tiny baby in me, and that it has a heartbeat, did a lot to ease my fears.  I can only hope that everything continues to progress as wonderfully as it has so far.  We are just so overwhelmed with love and truly thankful for this amazing blessing. 

A Lack of Symptoms

So, I’m beginning to get concerned about my lack of pregnancy symptoms.  I realize that every pregnancy and person is different, but it’s hard not to worry when it feels like I’m not the same as everyone else. 

The week of my BFP, I had a pretty obvious symptom of extreme fatigue.  However, now it seems like I’m not any more tired than I was before I found out I was pregnant.  Yes, I’m exhausted most of the time, but I’ve suffered from insomnia and sleep disorders for years.  I keep thinking that maybe my fatigue is not baby-related at all, but is just an indicator of my sleep habits. 

The same type of irrational argument goes through my head with having to use the bathroom all the time, too.  Following my BFP, I did notice that I had to urinate more often, which is a definite sign of pregnancy.  But, as soon as I got a positive HPT, I doubled (or more) my water intake, and stopped drinking most other beverages.  So, now it’s easy to persuade myself that my sometimes frequent urination is the effect of drinking so much water, and not from being pregnant. 

The only “real” symptom that I’ve been having is some painful twinges in my abdomen.  Sometimes I can barely feel them, while other times they hurt; and sometimes they’re very brief, while other times they last for more than a few minutes.  I have to keep reminding myself that this is probably a good sign of my uterus stretching and the baby growing, and not think about the possibility of cramping and miscarriage. 

I know I sound crazy, and I probably am.  But, I get concerned that I haven’t had any morning sickness or food aversions.  In the absence of these more traditional early pregnancy signs, it’s still a little hard to convince myself that I’m really pregnant. 

Bloat

Yeah, so I’m looking pretty thick these days.  I am ridiculously bloated.  Or at least I better be, because there’s no way my “sweet pea” sized baby is making me show this much.

I like to think that I used to look okay in my clothes, but now it seems as if all of my clothes make me look fat.  Ugh, and in addition to looking bad, it doesn’t feel good to be this bloated either.  It’ll be nice when this particular phase subsides, and it’ll be even better when a real baby bump takes its place. 

IUI Day

According to FF and my past ovulation charts, yesterday or today would have been my IUI.  I would have already taken the Clomid, would have gotten an ovary ultrasound, and would be in the Ob/Gyn’s office waiting to be inseminated, while my husband made love to a cup in the lab.  With all of our issues, it’s hard to believe that we never had to resort to that.  After all of the time and effort spent trying and failing to get pregnant, and in spite of our IF struggles and medical problems, we were able to do it on our own.  I’m so very grateful to have been given this blessing that we achieved naturally.  

Pregnancy is Scary…Already

Finding out that I was pregnant freaked me out…in a good way.  But since then, I’ve had all sorts of other things that have worried me:  whether this baby will stick, whether our IF problems could cause any issues with the baby’s development, whether any of my health problems or my husband’s will be passed on to our baby.  Plus, there are all the normal worries:  whether we have enough money in the bank, whether my job will be accommodating during pregnancy, whether our insurance is good enough. 

But now, I’m freaking out again.  As I wrote about earlier, I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, which is an autoimmune version of hypothyroidism.  I thought the biggest problem with this condition would just be getting pregnant.  Nope, I was wrong.  Seriously, I don’t recommend Googling Hashimoto’s and Pregnancy…it’s scary stuff.

I Still Can’t Believe It

It’s been more than a week since my BFP (big fat positive).  It’s still hard to believe that I’m actually pregnant!  It’s just now slowly starting to sink in that what we’ve been waiting so long for is actually happening.  I’m cautiously getting excited and making plans that include three of us.

I’m so anxious for the 25th, which is the day of our ultrasound.  I just want to make sure everything is okay.  In case you couldn’t tell, patience is not my strong suit :).  But for right now though, I’m trying to remember that worrying won’t change anything.  So, I constantly remind myself that, as my GP girls would say, “today I’m pregnant, and I love my baby.”  That’s all that matters.

Doctor Update

I finally got to speak to my doctor after leaving a message with her nurse.  She called me back and was seriously almost as excited as I was.  She told me congratulations, how happy she was for us, and how shocked she was to get my pregnancy message instead of one telling her that my period had arrived :).

We talked over what I should do next, and she was pretty positive about the outcome.  She told me that as far as she could tell (and in the absence of any previous pregnancies), our problem was in getting pregnant, not in staying pregnant.  She didn’t want to do a blood test confirmation, and unfortunately, didn’t think it was necessary for me to come in to get my betas tested. 

However, she did tell me that she wanted me to come in for an early ultrasound (u/s) to monitor the progression.  So, even though I didn’t get the reassurance I was hoping for from the beta numbers, I do get to have an u/s toward the end of the month!  It’s a little less than two weeks away, so I think I can wait that long.  This will be a whole new kind of two week wait!       

A Christmas Miracle

So, I realize that it’s January.  But my husband and I have been blessed with a Christmas miracle. 

I was expecting my period at the end of this week, and was actually looking forward to it.  It meant the beginning of a new cycle; the cycle of our Clomid + IUI.  I was ready to start the medications and the preparation that would lead us, hopefully, to our future baby. 

Except…something felt different.  Even though my period wasn’t due yet, I wanted to take a home pregnancy test (HPT).  This was a weird feeling for me, since I hate seeing the negative test results.  But, I needed to make sure that this last natural cycle was a failure, before gearing up for our Clomid + IUI cycle.  At 11 DPO, I took a test when I got home from work, after holding my pee for 4 hours.  My husband was working his very first day shift after working midnights (graveyards) for 2 years.  The result came up on the HPT literally at the same time that my husband walked through the door.

It was positive!!  There were two lines!  I had used a First Response Early Response (FRER) test, and the second line was faint, but it was there.  My husband came into the bathroom and I was just standing there, with the test stick in my hand and tears in my eyes.  When he asked what was wrong, I couldn’t even speak…I just handed him the test.

He asked if it meant what he thought it meant, and I nodded.  Then, we hugged and just stood there holding each other.  It was a beautiful moment.  But it only lasted for a minute :).  My (impatient) husband immediately wanted to go out and buy a digital test, so we could be sure.  I told him that it was really early still, and that I’d have to wait a couple hours for my urine to be concentrated before testing again. 

Well, we bought the digital and I tested again that night.  After only a few seconds, PREGNANT showed up!  I was still in shock at seeing a positive test, and I wanted so badly to believe it.  I ended up taking another test the next day (12 DPO), just to reassure myself.  Even though I now had 3 positive HPTs, it still hasn’t really sunk it.  I keep expecting my period any second, and I dread going to the bathroom and finding out that it was all a mistake. 

I finally called the doctor today, and I’m hoping that she’ll schedule some blood work next week to test my betas.  I really need some other assurance that this has really happened.  And then, I looked at my Fertility Friend (FF) charting application that I’d been using to track my cycles. 

It said I had ovulated on Christmas Day.  This pregnancy was the result of a Christmas miracle…and it is truly the best gift ever.  

It’s Really Happening

I’m so freaking excited!  I finally got the call I’ve been waiting for from my Ob/Gyn this morning. 

My doctor asked if I had picked up my Clomid prescription, which I had, and we went over the rest of the IUI instructions.  She told me to call her on CD 1 (to give her an idea for the IUI timing), take the Clomid on CD 3-7, keep charting my cycle, and use ovulation predictor kits (OPKs).  When I get my luteinizing hormone (LH) surge, I’m supposed to call her immediately, so I can go in for my monitoring appointment and get the IUI set up within the following 24-48 hours. 

Within one hour of my IUI appointment, my husband will have to go into the lab and deposit his semen specimen to be washed.  After the IUI procedure is done, the only thing I’ll have to do is go back for my blood work on 7 DPO. 

I’m really, really hoping that this will be it for us.  I’m getting so optimistic for next cycle that I’m a little worried about being devastated if it fails.

Yay for Progress

I heard back from my Ob/Gyn’s nurse just the other day, and my doctor had called in my prescription for Clomid to the pharmacy.  Yay!  So, as of right now, the IUI is a go.  I still don’t have the rest of the appointments firmly scheduled, but I’m trying to have faith that everything will fall into place. 

Speaking of pharmacies, Walgreens is crazy.  I went in to pick up my Clomid prescription, and the technician behind the counter said there was a “lock” on them.  She told me she needed to get authorization to give it to me.  Really?  Isn’t the doctor’s script enough of an authorization? 

Oddly enough, this is not the first time that this has happened to me.  Apparently, every time I go to pick up a prescription from them, a flag is set off in their computer system.  It’s a warning that the medication I’m buying may be harmful to pregnant women and/or unborn children.  It seems that since I’m noted as taking a prescription prenatal vitamin from them, Walgreens is convinced that I’m pregnant. 

Seriously, Walgreens.  I’m trying, but it hasn’t happened yet.

So, the tech said she had to confirm that I was, in fact, not pregnant before she gave me the Clomid.  I just looked at her and said, “No, I’m not.  Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose of the medication?”  Honestly.   

Anyway…I’ve got the Clomid now, and I’m looking forward to getting this show on the road!

Happy New Year

It’s 2011!  Can you believe it?  Seriously, I know everyone says that time moves faster the older you are, but time is flying!  I remember how weird it was to start writing the year with 20 instead of 19…and that was 11 years ago!

With the new year comes talk of resolutions, and everyone always asks me what mine are.  But, I’m not really a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, if only because I feel that if there is something worth resolving to do, why wait for January 1?  Do it whenever and try to stick to it.  There’s just too much pressure surrounding the beginning of the year as a definitive date for attempting to accomplish something. 

That being said, I do believe in hope…hope that 2011 is a better year than 2010.  It has to be.