A Lack of Symptoms

So, I’m beginning to get concerned about my lack of pregnancy symptoms.  I realize that every pregnancy and person is different, but it’s hard not to worry when it feels like I’m not the same as everyone else. 

The week of my BFP, I had a pretty obvious symptom of extreme fatigue.  However, now it seems like I’m not any more tired than I was before I found out I was pregnant.  Yes, I’m exhausted most of the time, but I’ve suffered from insomnia and sleep disorders for years.  I keep thinking that maybe my fatigue is not baby-related at all, but is just an indicator of my sleep habits. 

The same type of irrational argument goes through my head with having to use the bathroom all the time, too.  Following my BFP, I did notice that I had to urinate more often, which is a definite sign of pregnancy.  But, as soon as I got a positive HPT, I doubled (or more) my water intake, and stopped drinking most other beverages.  So, now it’s easy to persuade myself that my sometimes frequent urination is the effect of drinking so much water, and not from being pregnant. 

The only “real” symptom that I’ve been having is some painful twinges in my abdomen.  Sometimes I can barely feel them, while other times they hurt; and sometimes they’re very brief, while other times they last for more than a few minutes.  I have to keep reminding myself that this is probably a good sign of my uterus stretching and the baby growing, and not think about the possibility of cramping and miscarriage. 

I know I sound crazy, and I probably am.  But, I get concerned that I haven’t had any morning sickness or food aversions.  In the absence of these more traditional early pregnancy signs, it’s still a little hard to convince myself that I’m really pregnant. 

Bloat

Yeah, so I’m looking pretty thick these days.  I am ridiculously bloated.  Or at least I better be, because there’s no way my “sweet pea” sized baby is making me show this much.

I like to think that I used to look okay in my clothes, but now it seems as if all of my clothes make me look fat.  Ugh, and in addition to looking bad, it doesn’t feel good to be this bloated either.  It’ll be nice when this particular phase subsides, and it’ll be even better when a real baby bump takes its place. 

IUI Day

According to FF and my past ovulation charts, yesterday or today would have been my IUI.  I would have already taken the Clomid, would have gotten an ovary ultrasound, and would be in the Ob/Gyn’s office waiting to be inseminated, while my husband made love to a cup in the lab.  With all of our issues, it’s hard to believe that we never had to resort to that.  After all of the time and effort spent trying and failing to get pregnant, and in spite of our IF struggles and medical problems, we were able to do it on our own.  I’m so very grateful to have been given this blessing that we achieved naturally.  

Pregnancy is Scary…Already

Finding out that I was pregnant freaked me out…in a good way.  But since then, I’ve had all sorts of other things that have worried me:  whether this baby will stick, whether our IF problems could cause any issues with the baby’s development, whether any of my health problems or my husband’s will be passed on to our baby.  Plus, there are all the normal worries:  whether we have enough money in the bank, whether my job will be accommodating during pregnancy, whether our insurance is good enough. 

But now, I’m freaking out again.  As I wrote about earlier, I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, which is an autoimmune version of hypothyroidism.  I thought the biggest problem with this condition would just be getting pregnant.  Nope, I was wrong.  Seriously, I don’t recommend Googling Hashimoto’s and Pregnancy…it’s scary stuff.

I Still Can’t Believe It

It’s been more than a week since my BFP (big fat positive).  It’s still hard to believe that I’m actually pregnant!  It’s just now slowly starting to sink in that what we’ve been waiting so long for is actually happening.  I’m cautiously getting excited and making plans that include three of us.

I’m so anxious for the 25th, which is the day of our ultrasound.  I just want to make sure everything is okay.  In case you couldn’t tell, patience is not my strong suit :).  But for right now though, I’m trying to remember that worrying won’t change anything.  So, I constantly remind myself that, as my GP girls would say, “today I’m pregnant, and I love my baby.”  That’s all that matters.

Doctor Update

I finally got to speak to my doctor after leaving a message with her nurse.  She called me back and was seriously almost as excited as I was.  She told me congratulations, how happy she was for us, and how shocked she was to get my pregnancy message instead of one telling her that my period had arrived :).

We talked over what I should do next, and she was pretty positive about the outcome.  She told me that as far as she could tell (and in the absence of any previous pregnancies), our problem was in getting pregnant, not in staying pregnant.  She didn’t want to do a blood test confirmation, and unfortunately, didn’t think it was necessary for me to come in to get my betas tested. 

However, she did tell me that she wanted me to come in for an early ultrasound (u/s) to monitor the progression.  So, even though I didn’t get the reassurance I was hoping for from the beta numbers, I do get to have an u/s toward the end of the month!  It’s a little less than two weeks away, so I think I can wait that long.  This will be a whole new kind of two week wait!       

A Christmas Miracle

So, I realize that it’s January.  But my husband and I have been blessed with a Christmas miracle. 

I was expecting my period at the end of this week, and was actually looking forward to it.  It meant the beginning of a new cycle; the cycle of our Clomid + IUI.  I was ready to start the medications and the preparation that would lead us, hopefully, to our future baby. 

Except…something felt different.  Even though my period wasn’t due yet, I wanted to take a home pregnancy test (HPT).  This was a weird feeling for me, since I hate seeing the negative test results.  But, I needed to make sure that this last natural cycle was a failure, before gearing up for our Clomid + IUI cycle.  At 11 DPO, I took a test when I got home from work, after holding my pee for 4 hours.  My husband was working his very first day shift after working midnights (graveyards) for 2 years.  The result came up on the HPT literally at the same time that my husband walked through the door.

It was positive!!  There were two lines!  I had used a First Response Early Response (FRER) test, and the second line was faint, but it was there.  My husband came into the bathroom and I was just standing there, with the test stick in my hand and tears in my eyes.  When he asked what was wrong, I couldn’t even speak…I just handed him the test.

He asked if it meant what he thought it meant, and I nodded.  Then, we hugged and just stood there holding each other.  It was a beautiful moment.  But it only lasted for a minute :).  My (impatient) husband immediately wanted to go out and buy a digital test, so we could be sure.  I told him that it was really early still, and that I’d have to wait a couple hours for my urine to be concentrated before testing again. 

Well, we bought the digital and I tested again that night.  After only a few seconds, PREGNANT showed up!  I was still in shock at seeing a positive test, and I wanted so badly to believe it.  I ended up taking another test the next day (12 DPO), just to reassure myself.  Even though I now had 3 positive HPTs, it still hasn’t really sunk it.  I keep expecting my period any second, and I dread going to the bathroom and finding out that it was all a mistake. 

I finally called the doctor today, and I’m hoping that she’ll schedule some blood work next week to test my betas.  I really need some other assurance that this has really happened.  And then, I looked at my Fertility Friend (FF) charting application that I’d been using to track my cycles. 

It said I had ovulated on Christmas Day.  This pregnancy was the result of a Christmas miracle…and it is truly the best gift ever.