Pregnancy is Scary…Already

Finding out that I was pregnant freaked me out…in a good way.  But since then, I’ve had all sorts of other things that have worried me:  whether this baby will stick, whether our IF problems could cause any issues with the baby’s development, whether any of my health problems or my husband’s will be passed on to our baby.  Plus, there are all the normal worries:  whether we have enough money in the bank, whether my job will be accommodating during pregnancy, whether our insurance is good enough. 

But now, I’m freaking out again.  As I wrote about earlier, I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, which is an autoimmune version of hypothyroidism.  I thought the biggest problem with this condition would just be getting pregnant.  Nope, I was wrong.  Seriously, I don’t recommend Googling Hashimoto’s and Pregnancy…it’s scary stuff.

I Still Can’t Believe It

It’s been more than a week since my BFP (big fat positive).  It’s still hard to believe that I’m actually pregnant!  It’s just now slowly starting to sink in that what we’ve been waiting so long for is actually happening.  I’m cautiously getting excited and making plans that include three of us.

I’m so anxious for the 25th, which is the day of our ultrasound.  I just want to make sure everything is okay.  In case you couldn’t tell, patience is not my strong suit :).  But for right now though, I’m trying to remember that worrying won’t change anything.  So, I constantly remind myself that, as my GP girls would say, “today I’m pregnant, and I love my baby.”  That’s all that matters.

Doctor Update

I finally got to speak to my doctor after leaving a message with her nurse.  She called me back and was seriously almost as excited as I was.  She told me congratulations, how happy she was for us, and how shocked she was to get my pregnancy message instead of one telling her that my period had arrived :).

We talked over what I should do next, and she was pretty positive about the outcome.  She told me that as far as she could tell (and in the absence of any previous pregnancies), our problem was in getting pregnant, not in staying pregnant.  She didn’t want to do a blood test confirmation, and unfortunately, didn’t think it was necessary for me to come in to get my betas tested. 

However, she did tell me that she wanted me to come in for an early ultrasound (u/s) to monitor the progression.  So, even though I didn’t get the reassurance I was hoping for from the beta numbers, I do get to have an u/s toward the end of the month!  It’s a little less than two weeks away, so I think I can wait that long.  This will be a whole new kind of two week wait!       

A Christmas Miracle

So, I realize that it’s January.  But my husband and I have been blessed with a Christmas miracle. 

I was expecting my period at the end of this week, and was actually looking forward to it.  It meant the beginning of a new cycle; the cycle of our Clomid + IUI.  I was ready to start the medications and the preparation that would lead us, hopefully, to our future baby. 

Except…something felt different.  Even though my period wasn’t due yet, I wanted to take a home pregnancy test (HPT).  This was a weird feeling for me, since I hate seeing the negative test results.  But, I needed to make sure that this last natural cycle was a failure, before gearing up for our Clomid + IUI cycle.  At 11 DPO, I took a test when I got home from work, after holding my pee for 4 hours.  My husband was working his very first day shift after working midnights (graveyards) for 2 years.  The result came up on the HPT literally at the same time that my husband walked through the door.

It was positive!!  There were two lines!  I had used a First Response Early Response (FRER) test, and the second line was faint, but it was there.  My husband came into the bathroom and I was just standing there, with the test stick in my hand and tears in my eyes.  When he asked what was wrong, I couldn’t even speak…I just handed him the test.

He asked if it meant what he thought it meant, and I nodded.  Then, we hugged and just stood there holding each other.  It was a beautiful moment.  But it only lasted for a minute :).  My (impatient) husband immediately wanted to go out and buy a digital test, so we could be sure.  I told him that it was really early still, and that I’d have to wait a couple hours for my urine to be concentrated before testing again. 

Well, we bought the digital and I tested again that night.  After only a few seconds, PREGNANT showed up!  I was still in shock at seeing a positive test, and I wanted so badly to believe it.  I ended up taking another test the next day (12 DPO), just to reassure myself.  Even though I now had 3 positive HPTs, it still hasn’t really sunk it.  I keep expecting my period any second, and I dread going to the bathroom and finding out that it was all a mistake. 

I finally called the doctor today, and I’m hoping that she’ll schedule some blood work next week to test my betas.  I really need some other assurance that this has really happened.  And then, I looked at my Fertility Friend (FF) charting application that I’d been using to track my cycles. 

It said I had ovulated on Christmas Day.  This pregnancy was the result of a Christmas miracle…and it is truly the best gift ever.  

It’s Really Happening

I’m so freaking excited!  I finally got the call I’ve been waiting for from my Ob/Gyn this morning. 

My doctor asked if I had picked up my Clomid prescription, which I had, and we went over the rest of the IUI instructions.  She told me to call her on CD 1 (to give her an idea for the IUI timing), take the Clomid on CD 3-7, keep charting my cycle, and use ovulation predictor kits (OPKs).  When I get my luteinizing hormone (LH) surge, I’m supposed to call her immediately, so I can go in for my monitoring appointment and get the IUI set up within the following 24-48 hours. 

Within one hour of my IUI appointment, my husband will have to go into the lab and deposit his semen specimen to be washed.  After the IUI procedure is done, the only thing I’ll have to do is go back for my blood work on 7 DPO. 

I’m really, really hoping that this will be it for us.  I’m getting so optimistic for next cycle that I’m a little worried about being devastated if it fails.

Yay for Progress

I heard back from my Ob/Gyn’s nurse just the other day, and my doctor had called in my prescription for Clomid to the pharmacy.  Yay!  So, as of right now, the IUI is a go.  I still don’t have the rest of the appointments firmly scheduled, but I’m trying to have faith that everything will fall into place. 

Speaking of pharmacies, Walgreens is crazy.  I went in to pick up my Clomid prescription, and the technician behind the counter said there was a “lock” on them.  She told me she needed to get authorization to give it to me.  Really?  Isn’t the doctor’s script enough of an authorization? 

Oddly enough, this is not the first time that this has happened to me.  Apparently, every time I go to pick up a prescription from them, a flag is set off in their computer system.  It’s a warning that the medication I’m buying may be harmful to pregnant women and/or unborn children.  It seems that since I’m noted as taking a prescription prenatal vitamin from them, Walgreens is convinced that I’m pregnant. 

Seriously, Walgreens.  I’m trying, but it hasn’t happened yet.

So, the tech said she had to confirm that I was, in fact, not pregnant before she gave me the Clomid.  I just looked at her and said, “No, I’m not.  Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose of the medication?”  Honestly.   

Anyway…I’ve got the Clomid now, and I’m looking forward to getting this show on the road!

Happy New Year

It’s 2011!  Can you believe it?  Seriously, I know everyone says that time moves faster the older you are, but time is flying!  I remember how weird it was to start writing the year with 20 instead of 19…and that was 11 years ago!

With the new year comes talk of resolutions, and everyone always asks me what mine are.  But, I’m not really a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, if only because I feel that if there is something worth resolving to do, why wait for January 1?  Do it whenever and try to stick to it.  There’s just too much pressure surrounding the beginning of the year as a definitive date for attempting to accomplish something. 

That being said, I do believe in hope…hope that 2011 is a better year than 2010.  It has to be.