The End is the Only the Beginning

I started this blog as both an emotional outlet and a chronicle of our TTC journey.  Between my husband’s documented infertility history and my own relatively recently discovered infertility issues, we never imagined that we’d be at the end of that journey so soon.  As I look at our beautiful baby girl, I can’t believe how far we’ve come.  She’s our miracle, one that was given to us when we least expected it.

I don’t necessarily intend on leaving the blogging world completely, but I feel that this chapter of my life is closing.  I can now focus on being a parent and raising our daughter.  I truly hope that we are blessed again with another child in the future, but for right now, I have all that I ever wanted.  I plan to update my blog with big milestones and/or accomplishments, but it will be nothing consistent or constant.  Until then…

Much love,

Fouette

My Birth Story

It turns out my baby girl was in a hurry to get here!  Though she was due on September 17, I went into labor at 38 weeks and 5 days. 

At my 36 week doctor’s appointment, I had my Group B Strep (GBS) test done (which was negative), so I opted to have my first internal exam.  That was extremely uncomfortable, but I was told that my cervix was dilated to 2 cm and was 50% effaced.  I didn’t get checked at 37 weeks, and at 38 weeks I was a tight 3 cm and 75% effaced.  I went to my 39 week appointment (a few days early) on the morning I went into labor, but decided against having a cervical check.  Everything looked good for both me and baby, so I went into work on Thursday, September 8.  Around lunchtime, I noticed that I was having more discharge than usual.  I had been losing my mucous plug since 36 weeks, and had what I thought was bloody show right at 38 weeks.  So, discharge was nothing new, but this seemed more liquid-like. 

At 2 pm, I went to a department meeting, and when I got up to leave at 3 pm, I felt a small gush of fluid.  I didn’t make a big deal out of it, so no one noticed, though my pants were wet.  I knew that my water had broken (and that it had been amniotic fluid that I was leaking earlier), so I went back to my office, got my things, and headed home.  I called my OB’s office and my husband on the way home to let them know what had happened.  I told my husband to finish packing the hospital bag and get the dog ready to go to my mom’s house.  The OB nurse called me back and said that even though I was GBS negative, they wanted me to check into Labor and Delivery right away since my water had broken.  Though I was sure it was my water, I never experienced that big gush of fluid that everyone describes, so the nurse told me I could come into the OB’s office to be evaluated first, before I went to the hospital (the OB and the hospital are in adjoining buildings).

I came home, we grabbed the hospital bag and car seat, and left to drop our dog off at my mom’s since I knew this wasn’t a false alarm.  We got to the OB’s office, and by the time the midwife came in to examine me, I had leaked all over the table.  She took one look at me and said, “Yep, your water broke.  Go to Labor and Delivery to have a baby!”  As soon as I stood up from the table, I had my first large gush of fluid.   There was no mistaking that one.  So, we walked over to the hospital, headed up to the maternity floor, and got checked in.  I still hadn’t felt a single contraction yet, and it was about 5 pm by this time. 

After I was put in a labor room, I was given a saline lock, a Non-Stress Test (NST) for the baby, and an internal exam.  I was 3 cm and 90% effaced.  It was about 7 pm at this time, things looked good, and I was contracting, but I didn’t feel them, so I knew they weren’t causing any progress.  I was so happy that my water had broken naturally and that my body went into labor on its own, but I knew that there was a time limit on getting the baby out since the risk of infection increases after your water breaks.  I started walking the halls, hoping to start active labor and prevent any augmentation, like Pitocin.  Since I wasn’t in pain yet, I don’t really consider those first couple hours actual labor. 

Right before midnight, I felt my first real contraction.  There was no warm up and no warning.  One second I was fine and not feeling contractions, and the next I was doubled over in pain.  It didn’t feel good, but at least I was finally in labor…and didn’t need any help to get there!  After that, things moved quickly.  The contractions were so intense and painful…I went from 3 cm to 6 cm in 45 minutes, and so I asked for the epidural.  After it was placed, I couldn’t feel anything in my abdomen, but I still felt pressure and some pain in my pelvis during contractions.  I also had what they call the “baby shakes.”  Apparently a lot of people start shaking when they actually deliver, but I started shaking earlier than most.  I knew when a contraction was coming because I’d start shaking uncontrollably.

From 1 am to 4 am, I went from 6 cm to 9.5 cm, but the doctor was concerned that the epidural was having an effect on the baby.  I was put on oxygen, and they turned the medication down by half.  The doctor came back in and said “you’re 10 cm and 100%, it’s time to push.”  Then, she had the epidural turned off so I could feel the urge to bear down.  Since it had already been turned down previously, it didn’t take long before it felt like I was feeling everything.  The baby shakes and extreme pain/pressure in my pelvis told me when to push, and as I felt the baby’s head moving down, I asked if they would turn the epidural back on at the lowest setting.  I pushed for not quite an hour, and our beautiful baby girl was born at 5:02 am on September 9, 2011.  I had two first degree tears, and a few stitches were necessary; so, I’m glad that I had the epidural turned back on at the end for them to sew me up. 

Brinley Ryann (Bryn) was 7 pounds, 5 ounces and 20.5 inches long.  Her Apgar scores were 9 and 9, and she’s perfect.  She shares a birthday with her grandma, and my mom constantly says how she’s the best birthday present ever :).  All in all, I had a pretty good delivery experience.  For a first time mom, having my water break naturally, laboring for 4 hours, and pushing for 1 hour was better than I ever expected. 

Nursery Update

Now that the baby shower is over, I could finally focus on finishing the nursery.  We had bought or received almost everything for the room, but there were a few things that I was waiting on, just in case.  After the shower, I made a few trips to Target and Hobby Lobby to pick up some decorative items, but I can now finally say that baby girl’s nursery is done!

We opted for a lavender and white as the colors, and stuck with those as the unifying element, rather than a theme.  We had also planned to have her name incorporated in the room, probably above the changing table, rather than the picture frames.  The frames would have been closer to the mobile, instead.  But, since we don’t have a name definitely chosen, we’ll have to add that element in later.  

So for your viewing pleasure:  

Baby Shower Time

My baby shower has come and gone, and it went wonderfully!  My best friend hosted it for me, and she did a great job.  Even though we have different personalities and styles, everything came together for a great party.  It was held in a church coffee shop, so hardly any decorating was needed.  There were already mosaic tables and wrought iron chairs, and the environment was very relaxed and encouraged conversation. 

Food-wise, it was all about what baby and I wanted…which was awesome.  Since it was held in the afternoon, between lunch and dinner, we opted for more appetizer and snack type foods.  There was homemade chicken salad with sesame crackers, cheese cubes and grapes, baby dill pickles, cucumber sandwiches, spinach and artichoke cream puffs, and watermelon.   

In terms of gifts, the husband and I had already purchased the really big stuff, like the crib, dresser, and glider.  And, my mother-in-law (MIL) ordered the car seat, stroller, and swing for us, while my mom got us the breast pump and way too many adorable baby clothes.  So, the shower was really about those smaller and last minute items that we needed.  I was shocked that every single person who attended brought an actual gift; I didn’t receive a single gift card.  I was touched that everyone took the time and effort to do that. 

However, even though we registered at both Target and Babies R Us (BRU), we don’t have a BRU in town.  The closest one is located about 30 minutes away.  So, while we were pretty set for the Target registry, we still had a bunch of missing items from the BRU registry.  Looks like we’re going to have to make a shopping trip soon! 

Baby Classes

Since this is our first baby, we decided to sign up for prenatal classes.  I obviously have never given birth before, and my husband has never been around babies, so we both had a lot to learn.  We’re very lucky that these classes are offered for free through our hospital.  We opted for the 5 week class, with each session lasting about 1.5 hours.  While there was some common sense information that probably wasn’t necessary, I’m really glad that we went.  I’m a firm believer that knowledge is power and that you can never be over prepared.  And, like I said, my husband needed all the information he could get on taking care of a baby!

The classes were broken down into 1) Pregnancy, 2) Labor and Relaxation Techniques, 3) Pain Management, Medication, and C-Section, 4) Newborn Testing and Care, and 5) Post-Partum.  All of the sections were very helpful and contained at least some useful information for both me and my husband.  My favorite part was teaching him how to diaper and swaddle a baby doll…it’s an image that I won’t forget :).  At the end, we even received a certificate that said we completed the course.  Whether we think so or not, at least someone says that we’re ready to have a baby!

5 Years!

The husband and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary this June.  It seems like such an important milestone, and I’m so happy that this is the year we were finally able to start our family.  My husband has been amazing throughout our marriage, and has taken his vows of “for sickness and health,” “for richer for poorer,” and “in good times and bad” seriously.  Along with my pregnancy and every other wonderful memory preceding it, we’ve also dealt with hardship, from medical issues to debt to IF.  I feel so fortunate to have a partner who is so loving and supportive, and who I can count on to stay by my side. 

Graduation!

In May 2011, I finally completed my Master of Public Administration.  It was a long road that required a lot of commitment and dedication.  It took 3 hard years for me to get, even with having some accelerated courses, due to work and other life events.  But, I’m proud to say that it’s done! 

Finding out I was pregnant in my last semester was both exciting and challenging.  I can honestly say that so far, working full time, going to school full time, and being pregnant was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.  The concentration and focus that are necessary in a graduate program were hard to come by, and the exhaustion was sometimes hard to cope with in the middle of it all. 

Despite finishing my program in May, my graduation ceremony wasn’t until June, since my university holds one large ceremony for the graduates of the winter, spring, and summer semesters combined.  But on June 18, I was able to walk across the stage and receive my diploma at 6.5 months pregnant.  It made me so happy to be able to share something so special to me with my baby.     

Registry Madness

Now that we have our gender confirmation, my husband and I finally completed our registry.  I had already begun listing the more expensive, gender neutral items online, but we actually went into the store with the scanner gun and registered for everything else.  Let me be the first to tell you:  that was an exercise in patience.  Even with all of the big ticket items (car seat, stroller, co-sleeper, glider, breast pump) already registered for online, it took a long time and a lot of thought to complete.  Registering for a baby is so different than a wedding registry.  No one worries about safety reviews and personal recommendations when it comes to picking out china patterns and bed sheets.  With a baby registry, I felt like every single thing had to be the best, in addition to being within our budget and style preferences. 

Luckily, I went armed with the Baby Bargains book, which was a huge help.  I also brought a snack and water on the advice of others, which I’m glad I did, since we went to both Babies R Us and Target (which were fortunately right next door to each other) because we’re registered at both places.  Thankfully, we are finally done with this baby planning aspect, and can move forward with decorating the nursery!     

Ultrasound Follow Up

Wow, time has totally gotten away from me.  I had meant to write this post as soon as it happened, but somehow it’s a month behind. 

Anyway, due to our baby girl’s position at our anatomy scan, we were scheduled for a follow up ultrasound to measure her heart.  Baby was finally right side up for once, although still transverse.  The ultrasound tech was able to point out the four chambers of the heart, and how everything looked good. 

The next day, however, my OB’s office called and said that although everything was normal, the tech didn’t get good enough pictures of the left and right ventricular outflow tracts (L/RVOT).  So, I was scheduled for yet another ultrasound at my next routine visit. 

After all of that drama, baby is perfectly healthy with a beautiful heart.  And, after 3 successive ultrasounds that all confirmed the same thing, I’m pretty confident in the fact that she is definitely a little girl! 

Road Trip

Two days after our anatomy scan, my husband and I went on a little road trip for an impromptu family reunion.  We had scheduled the big ultrasound for right before this mini-vacation, so that we could tell all of my family in person whether the baby was a girl or a boy.  There were also a few people who hadn’t been told about the pregnancy yet, because I wanted to take this rare opportunity to tell them in person.  So, we got in the car (along with the dog) for an 8 hour road trip to meet up with some of my family in Kansas.  We had a great time, and I loved seeing so many members of my family in one place.  We also took tons of pictures, and everyone was absolutely thrilled about our baby news! 

However, between a pregnant person and a dog, the trip took much longer than it should have due to all of the pit stops.  Also, even though I was only 21 weeks pregnant, it was already pretty uncomfortable to be in a car for that long.  My leg kept going to sleep, no position was comfortable, I had to pee all the time, and it seemed like stopping so often caused us to make hardly any progress.  Plus, I’d get hungry and wasn’t in the mood for “road food” like chips or snacks, which caused even more unscheduled stops.

But it was definitely worth it.  Next month though, we’re going on vacation to the east coast for my graduation ceremony, and will be flying.  I have a feeling that flying at 27 weeks won’t be any easier than driving at 22 weeks.         

It’s a…

GIRL!  My husband and I were totally shocked when the ultrasound tech said girl.  We didn’t have a preference either way, but both of us were leaning toward the baby being a boy.  We were even further convinced when the tech at our NT scan (12.5 weeks) said that she would guess boy with about 75% accuracy.  We knew that it was a little early to determine gender with any certainty, but both of us just kind of assumed that it would be a boy. 

At this ultrasound (20.5 weeks), we had the same ultrasound tech as our NT scan.  She asked us what she had guessed then, and when we said boy, she told us, “well, I hope you didn’t buy anything blue, because it’s a little girl!”  Both the tech and the doctor said that everything looked good and was right on track for about 21 weeks.  They did mention that our baby girl already has really long legs, which I know she gets from me, although both my husband and I are pretty tall. 

We’re so thrilled that our baby is doing well and is healthy, and we’re beyond excited that we’re having a baby girl.  I’m still a little skeptical about the gender, but I’m not sure why.  I just feel like I need just a bit more confirmation or something.  However, the tech wasn’t able to get all of the heart measurements of the baby, because she was turned upside down almost the whole time (imagine that, our baby is uncooperative).  So, we have a follow up ultrasound to get the final measurements to complete the anatomy scan, and I’ll definitely be asking for them to confirm the gender for me.  If they say girl again, I’ll probably be convinced, lol.  If they say boy, I swear I’m not buying anything that’s not gender neutral!   

Half Baked

I can’t believe I made it to 20 weeks!  It’s crazy to think that I’m halfway through this pregnancy already.  In honor of this milestone, my body decided to celebrate by finally letting my stomach “pop.”  I’m actually looking more pregnant than chubby now, and I am loving the look of a real baby bump. 

My husband and I have also made all of the necessary notifications (there were some major delays), and have done all of the prenatal testing, so the world can now know are expecting!  I’ve been waiting for this day for so long, but at last, I can tell any and every one that I’m pregnant!

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And, for those that asked, here's my 20 week bump pic:

  

First Big Baby Purchase

Since everything went well at our 16 week appointment, the husband and I decided to take a trip to Babies R Us in a neighboring town to look at nursery furniture.  We looked around at the different options for baby items, and discussed what we liked and didn’t like.  Really though (at least in my mind), we were there to pick out a crib.  I had some very definitive ideas in my head about what I wanted in terms of manufacturer, style, safety, and color.  My husband usually defers to my judgment when it comes to the baby stuff, but he surprised me when he had an opinion on the wood color of the furniture.  I wanted espresso-colored furniture, and he wanted cherry. 

We eventually narrowed our choices to a crib and dresser set that was available in chestnut, dark cherry, and white and another set that came in oak, espresso, and black.  Since the color selection was limited in each of the furniture sets, we ultimately chose the set made of the stronger mahogany wood, rather than the one made of pine.  We ended up with Munire’s Baby Cache Heritage crib and dresser/changer combo in dark cherry.  So, I’d say it was a pretty good compromise for the two of us on our first big baby purchase.

Now that we have furniture and are starting to plan the nursery, everything is starting to feel much more real.  I’m so excited to finally stop worrying and to start buying stuff for our baby!    

NIAW

Even though I’m currently pregnant, I feel the need to post about something that is still near and dear to my heart:  infertility.  Infertility (IF) affects 1 in 8 men and women, and it doesn’t go away after becoming pregnant.  It’s a lifelong struggle and is usually one that couples deal with silently. 

April 24 through 30 is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), and despite my small following, I wanted to bring awareness to the cause on my blog.  To learn more about NIAW, IF, or how you can support those with IF, please visit http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html.

16 Week Appointment

We had our 16 week appointment with my OB, and it went great!  Before every appointment, I get excited, and then nervous.  But this one was very low key and simple.  It was just a urine test, a quick question and answer session, and then listen to the baby’s heartbeat on the fetal doppler.  The doctor was able to find the baby’s heartbeat pretty quickly, and it was beating away at 158 bpm.  This confirms that either, 1) my home fetal doppler sucks since it takes me forever to find the baby’s heartbeat, and I rarely hear it for more than a few seconds or 2) I suck at finding the baby.  But, I’m glad that everything is going well and baby seems to be healthy. 

I also opted to do the alpha fetoprotein (AFP) and cystic fibrosis (CF) blood work, just to be informed.  So, I had a blood draw in the lab afterward.  And finally, I have my fetal survey and anatomy scan ultrasound scheduled for May 6!  My doctor’s office likes to do the big ultrasound between 21 and 22 weeks, but my next appointment would be at 20 weeks.  Plus, we’ll be out of town during 21 weeks.  So, I convinced them to schedule both my next appointment and the ultrasound at 20.5 weeks and get them done at the same time.  I’m excited that I get to have my ultrasound a little earlier than planned, although I’m sad, and a little nervous, about not having another appointment for 5 weeks.  Hopefully I’ll start to feel the baby move soon to put my mind at rest for the next couple weeks!

It Didn’t Last Long

Staying med free didn’t last long.  Along with the second trimester came horrific headaches.  I thought this was supposed to be the “best” trimester, but my head thought otherwise.  So, after my third migraine in a week, I finally caved and took a Tylenol.  So far, second tri isn’t looking so hot.   

Med Free…So Far

I’m feeling pretty proud of myself:  I made it through the first trimester without taking any over-the-counter (OTC) medications!  Obviously, I take my prescription prenatal vitamins with DHA and my Levothyroxine everyday.  Those are very important to help both me and the baby.  But, I’m glad to be able to say that I was otherwise “med free” for the first trimester of my pregnancy.  If the rest of my pregnancy goes as smoothly as it has been, then maybe I’ll be able to maintain it (but I won’t hold my breath).

In Thyroid News

Sorry for the delay; I've gotten a bit behind in my blogging what with work, school, and baby-making.   

After my NT scan, I went to the lab to do the blood work portion of the early trimester screen.  The doctor also ordered another TSH draw since I asked (it had been 6 weeks since my last one).  The NT scan blood work should take about a week or two to get back, and I’m pretty sure they won’t even talk about it until my next appointment (4 weeks later) anyway. 

However, I did get a call from the nurse today about my TSH.  The baby is causing my thyroid to work too hard (despite my medication) and my numbers have doubled since my last check.  In fact, they’re getting close to where they were prior to starting medication.  So, I’ll now be taking 100 mcg of Levothyroxine, and I have to have my TSH drawn again soon to make sure it’s working. 

Not exactly the news I was hoping for, but definitely not the end of the world.  It also explains why my fatigue in the last few weeks has been much worse than it used to be.  Looking forward to the supposed greatness of second tri!          

Sigh of Relief

We had our NT scan the other day, at 12 weeks and 2 days.  I was so nervous going into the appointment, but was trying to remain calm and optimistic.  As soon as the ultrasound tech showed my baby moving on the screen, I gave a huge sigh of relief.  Baby’s heart rate was 173 beautiful beats per minute.  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted after this appointment. 

In addition to everything looking okay, the NT measurements came out great, as well.  The NT thickness turned out to be really close to 1, like 1.13.  So, both the tech and the doctor said that was wonderful and definitely nothing to worry about in terms of Downs Syndrome. 

Getting to see my baby moving around on screen and being generally uncooperative for the tech was one of the best days of my life.  I’m just so incredibly thankful that the baby seems happy and healthy so far.  Plus, we got 4 pictures to take home with us.  I also found out that I have an anterior placenta, and that it’s sitting in the top-front of my uterus.  And, that baby really enjoys hiding under it, which is why I’ve had so much trouble finding the heart beat with my fetal doppler.  This also means that I may have to wait a few weeks longer than other women in order to feel the baby move. 

There was also a blood work component to the NT scan, but I won’t find out those results until the next appointment.  Since all is well, my pregnancy is no longer a secret.  While I haven’t told my job or made a Facebook announcement yet, my husband and I are now starting to share the news with the rest of our friends and family (who haven’t already been told).  The rest of the world won’t be far behind!

Fetal Doppler

So I forgot to mention that I ordered a fetal doppler.  I never thought that I would, but after having so much anxiety over this pregnancy, and knowing so many wonderful people that have had miscarriages, I just really wanted the extra assurance.  I received it in the mail when I was 10 weeks, and I immediately tried it out.  At first, all I could get was my heart rate, but I did hear fluid moving.  Finally, I had a few blips on the screen between 160 and 180 bpm. 

I tried again at 11 weeks, and both times I tried, I wasn’t able to pick up a heart beat.  This is the downside of owning a home doppler:  (hopefully) unnecessary panic.  I knew that it was still early, and just because I thought I had heard the baby’s heart rate before, doesn’t mean that I could hear it this time.  So, I had to just believe that everything was still okay.

Finally, at 12 weeks, I tried again.  Like the first time, I had trouble finding it, but I eventually saw the flashes in the 170s and knew that there was still a baby in there.  I’ve never been able to hear the heart beat for more than 2 or 3 beats, but I trust that it’s okay.  I honestly think that the baby doesn’t like the sound waves and that he/she moves away from it.  Either way, I’m so glad to have the NT scan to calm my nerves very soon!